Monday, September 15, 2014

The EX Commandments

1) Thou shalt feel the pain by wallowing in post-break up depression and by being suicidal for a week.
2) Thou shalt throw away all photographs, anniversary gifts, movie premiere tickets, and all relationship-attuned artifacts.

3) Thou shalt erase him from your world. ( The existentialist game or more popularly, denial.)

4) Thou shalt nurse your ego. Thou shalt buy things and splurge like crazy. Thou shalt not mind if Mango is not on sale for thou dont deserve it.

5) Thou shalt arrange a meeting with your coven support group. Thou shalt plot and scheme and stuff yourself with goodies.

6) Thou shalt go on a beach vacation. Thou shalt indulge in meaningless summer flings, fully aware of their meaninglessness.

7) Thou shalt secretly sign his name up and pass his contract numbers around gay dating websites.

8) Thou shalt stave the encroaching darkness back, and stay - even remotely - something other than a complete mess. Thou shalt endure.

9) Thou shalt flirt with thou Ex's best friend and thus put throw the proverbial monkey wrench in their friendship.

10) If all else fails, thou shalt burn his F150.

(C) Carmelle Hyacinth Penetrante

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